Awkwardly Constructed

Starbucks wants to kill me.

Starbucks and I have a tenative relationship built upon the solid foundation of continual sabotage. The coffee cups, in particular, cause me the most grief. I prefer the taste of Dunkin Donuts, not to mention their ordering process. Anytime I go into Starbucks, I grumble under my breathe at the notion of saying "Venti," but I've done the "gimme a large" before and would prefer to keep the killer death stares, outside of my friends and close family, to a minimum.

But I digress. Regardless of what I get, I inevitably end up sweezing the cup or tilting the cup or breathing funny in the general vicinity of the cup, and in protest, the cup spews its hot contents through the sippy hole and all over me. Down my cup-carrying hand, onto my camel jacket, onto my pants in the most embarrassing of places. The farthest I've made it without a spill is setting the cup down in my car's cupholder. I've even tried stuffing napkins into the sippy cup hole to try to stem the flow, only to have the reverse occur. Napkins soaked with coffee are a lot drippier than a leaky cup.

Today, I played it "safe" and got a venti *grumble* coffee of the day. The coffee of the day never, ever tastes different day to day, so why don't they just call it "regular"? Baffling. Anyway, I made it to my car, set the coffee down in the cupholder and it proceeded to spill all over the car's interior. I got to my office, parked, picked up the cup and coffee dripped out from under the lid, scorcing hot on my hand. "Fuck!!" I said a little too loud while stumbling out of my car. A woman glanced at me and quickened her pace.

Just as I was getting to the door to my building, hot architect breezes out, sees me, smiles. I smile in return, my coffee cup catches wind of the sudden change in attention and sqirts hot coffee in a stream down my arm. Hot architect gives me the "my my what a mess" look and continues to his car. My coffee gives me one last "haha you look like a fool" squirt of coffee for good measure. Hot architect then drives by and sprays a puddle's worth of muddy water all over me, soaking me from head to toe. Well, not really, but I've got time.

posted by Clumsy @ 1:09 PM